Atobe's Dilemma
by fuzzysox and slippers
Summary: Kabaji is not one to show emotions, but he does have them. And there's a certain girl who brought them out. Can he win her over? Will she learn his real name? And will Atobe approve of their love? Chances are low, his spirit is not. KabajiTomo, crack FIN
1. Love is in the air

**There are many things in life that Atobe has come to accept, but this he cannot live with.**

**Not to be take seriously. l don't know what we were smoking when we thought of this, but it sure worked.**

Chapter One

It was a lovely day for a tennis match, and it just so happened that Hyotei was playing against Seigaku! YAY! Echizen against Kabaji. It was an intense match. Eventually the score became tied, the next point would decide the winner.

"FIGHT-O FIGHT-O RYOMA-SAMA!" Came Tomo's ear splitting scream. Kabaji looked over before Ryoma served. He instantly became captivated by her 'beauty'.

"OMG!"

Yelled the crowd "TWIST-O SERVE-O!!!!!" Even though they had all seen it at least 100 times.

Kabaji wasn't paying attention. The ball flew past him for the next 5 serves. Seigaku had won the game, but Kabaji didn't care. For all he wanted was to win the heart of Tomo.

Meanwhile, Tomo continued to cheer for Ryoma oblivious to the fact that the game had ended and people were starting to get creeped out by her excessive noise making.

"Tomo shhh!!" whispered Sakuno, who was of course, beside her.

"I know! I'll go get the awesomely cool sign that we made to celebrate Ryoma's victory!" exclaimed Tomo, while she ignored Sakuno.

As Tomo was coming back from Ryuuzaki's car with her abnormally large sign she noticed a very large figure off to the side... following her.

"GASP!" Shouted Tomo. No, she did not gasp, she just yelled it. "That must be Ryoma right now to congratulate me and ask me on a date and we'll go to that fancy restaurant down the street, then he'll ask me to be his girlfriend and he'll bring me chocolates everyday and flowers sometimes too, then after a few years he'll ask me to marry him, of course I'll say yes, then we'll plan out the wedding, it will be a huge wedding outdoors with flowers, and birds, and small forest critters, and they won't go into the fetal position when they see me like they usually do because I'll be a beautiful bride with a huge princess dress and…"

A few hours later, the large figure approached her and stared at her while she continued rambling. Actually the figure had arrived by her side by the time she said that Ryoma would propose to her.

"…. Then I'll ask him if he'll grow old with me and he'll say-"

"USU!" Said the large figure. Of course Tomo hadn't noticed him and it took her by total surprise. She jumped a whole 3 centimeters into the air (it would have been more if she were capable of it).

And there stood none other than…KABAJI! Who had just recently realized his total and undying love for Tomo only a few hours ago!

"Ah! It's that big guy that Ryoma totally defeated a while ago," Tomo said surprised. Normal people would have been embarrassed, having said all that in front of someone other than Ryoma… but this is Tomo we're talking about.

"Can I help you with something?" she demanded in a voice only Tomo can manage.

"Usu."

"?"

Tomo stared at Kabaji for a few moments before he realized that he was supposed to say more. Unfortunately, Sakuno chose that moment to appear. Well, any moment with Sakuno is unfortunate. Anyway….

"Tomo, where were you! Everyone was so worried! Thank goodness Waldy was with you. It isn't too hard for you to hurt your self."

Tomo stared at Sakuno for a minute, then at Kabaji. Then back to Sakuno, and then back to Kabaji.

"What?" She finally asked. In case you hadn't noticed, Tomo isn't that bright. Sakuno explained that it was 10:00 at night and the matches had been over for four hours.

"Every one's been searching for you for hours!" Sakuno whined. That was a lie.

No one had noticed that Tomo was missing until, when they were all eating their free sushi at Taka's restaurant and celebrating their victory, Horio mentioned how quiet it was. Then Sakuno got up and started looking for Tomo. Everyone else just continued eating, then went home to bed.

"Is it really 10:00?!" Screeched Tomo  
"Usu" Replied Kabaji, happy to say anything to his one true love.  
"And you're um...Waldy was it?" Asked Tomo  
"Kabaji" He said  
"Um right. Well, thanks Waldy for um...making sure I wasn't raped by um...Fuji"  
"Usu."

Just then Ryuuzaki came running up.  
"Where have you been!?" She asked Sakuno "I've been looking for you forever because your parents pretty much don't exist! It's a good thing this young man was here with you. What's your name again?" She turned to Kabaji.  
"Kabaji" He replied.  
"Well, thank you Waldy"  
"Usu."  
"Sometimes I think that's all he says!" Cried Tomo  
"What 'sometimes'?" Asked Ryuuzaki because Sakuno was wandering off into the middle of the street and it's not like Sakuno would've noticed anyway. "You've known him for a few hours. Technically not even because you didn't even notice him!"  
Fortunately, no one present is smart enough or has enough lines to realize that Ryuuzaki just appeared and therefore could not have known this.

At that moment Kabaji's bestest friend in the world showed up. That's right, it's Atobe. In a limo.

" So Kabaji, this is where you've been. Here. With these commoners. Instead of with me." Atobe scowled angrily at Tomo. But then, who wouldn't.

"Usu" replied Kabaji.

"Waldy was kind enough to watch over Tomo for a few hours," stated Sakuno, who had wandered back over to the group.

"Kabaji" Kabaji corrected although it seemed to have little effect.

"Come on Kabaji, I'll take you home." said Atobe. And Kabaji came.

Once Kabaji was safely in the limo and had his seat belt buckled, Atobe signaled to the driver to go leaving behind Sakuno, her grandmother, and Kabaji's new found love


	2. Kabaji's Victory

Chapter Two

The next day at Hyotei where the regulars were practicing...tennis, Kabaji sat next to Jirou who was sleeping on the bleachers. Atobe was on the can or something. Kabaji sat in silence for a while then started to get frustrated (or as frustrated as Kabaji can get) so he shook Jirou awake.

"Who? What? Where? When? Why? Orange?" He said a little bleary from being awakened so quickly. "Oh, it's you Kabaji"  
"Wald- Usu" Said Kabaji. Clearly spending more than three minutes with Sakuno and Tomo is enough to cause brain damage.

"Um...do you need something?" Asked Jirou yawning.  
"Usu"  
"Well what is it, best-buddy-ol'-pal-ol'-friend-good-chap?"  
"I need a favor" This got Jirou's attention. He had never seen Kabaji say so many words at once.

"I need you to fall in front of Tomo and then I'll walk up and ask if you're okay and then she and I will frolic off together."

Kabaji hadn't realized it but every single person in the entire school was staring at him (people were looking out of the windows of the school). Not just because Kabaji had just asked something so ridicules of Jirou, but he had just said about 33 words all in one sentence AND he said 'frolic'!

"Um...yeah...sure Kabaji" Said Jirou figuring that Kabaji was joking, and then went back to sleep.

After practice Atobe, Kabaji and Jirou went to the street courts, where Kabaji was hoping to find Tomo. And whadda'ya know! There was Tomo cheering on, who else, but Ryoma as he played with Momo against David and Bane from Rokkaku!

"Hehe, hey Kabaji? Want me to go fall in front of Tomo now?" Asked Jirou in an entirely joking manner.  
"Usu" Said Kabaji as he picked up Jirou with one arm and threw him on top of Tomo.  
"AAAAHHHH!!" They both yelled as Jirou landed on top of her. And they kept screaming even after of minute of lying there.

The boys finished their match and came over to where Jirou and Tomo were screaming. Then Kabaji came over and threw Ryoma and Momo into a bush nearby because they were in the way of, who he considered to be, a very cute person. And Tomo of course.

"Jirou" He said, "Are you okay?"

Jirou couldn't do anything but scream. He had been traumatized. Nobody needs to see Tomo's face that close. Atobe took Jirou over to the benches where David and Bane were sitting, so that Atobe could try and get Jirou to sleep.

"I have a hole in my sock" Said David as he studied his foot "Darn it"  
"NOT FUNNY!" Yelled Bane as he hit David on the head.  
"What?! That wasn't a pun!"  
"Yes it was!"  
"Well it wasn't intentional" David sniffed.

Later that evening, Kabaji was sitting alone in his room thinking about Tomo. He needed another way to get Tomo to notice him since Jirou had totally messed up his first brilliant plan.

He realized that it was probably unsafe to leave Tomo alone, since it was so easy for Jirou to jump on her. Yes, in the mind of Kabaji, Jirou jumped on her. The more he thought about it, the more Kabaji came to believe that Tomo was in danger of being kidnapped or raped because she was just so beautiful.

The next morning he went over to Tomo's house and stayed there, hiding in the bushes, until she came out to go to school. Of course, she was late. Tomo took off, running as fast as she could, which wasn't very fast. It probably would have been better if she walked.

As she ran to school (if you can call that running), Kabaji was close behind her. Tomo didn't notice him because, well… it's Tomo.

When she came to a crosswalk, Tomo continued right across without making sure the light was red, or looking both ways like any normal, law abiding citizen would. If she had looked both ways, she would have noticed the transport truck heading right for her. Probably on purpose, but we'll never know.

Kabaji, using his super protagonist power saw what was about happen and jumped out in front of the transport truck. Kabaji pushed Tomo out of the way, saving her from an unfortunate death (to him anyway).

It was only then that he realized that the truck was two lanes away, and that Tomo had been in no danger at all.

"Oh Waldy" cried Tomo. Tomo hugged Kabaji because she was so grateful that he saved her life.

"Oh, Shishido, it seems someone else it at our…'special spot'" Said Choutarou as he and Shishido turned the corner and saw Kabaji and Tomo.  
"Come on Choutarou; let's go somewhere else to do our 'thing'" Said Shishido.  
"Oh Shishido" Started Choutarou "It's so nice of you to help me with my English homework!"  
"No problem my young padawan"


	3. Atobe's Plan

Chapter Three

Tennis practice had just begun. Atobe took off his jacket and tossed it into the air behind him. Then the most unexpected thing happened.

The jacket hit the ground.

"Kabaji, What was that?" Atobe demanded. Silence. "Kabaji??" Atobe spun around, and guess what he saw... NO KABAJI!!

"Hey, Atobe!" called Shishido as he jogged over with Choutarou close behind. "Kabaji's not here." He stated, as if it wasn't already painfully obvious.

"I'm aware of that." Said Atobe whose temper was deteriorating quickly. "Where is he?"

"We saw him with a girl earlier today." Said Choutarou, because he felt left out from the conversation. "I think they said something about a date tonight, right Shishido?"

"Right Choutarou!"

With that, Atobe stormed away, muttering angrily to himself.

Meanwhile at the movie theaters, Kabaji and Tomo were having a grand ol' time.

"Isn't this movie great Waldy?" exclaimed Tomo.

"Usu" replied Kabaji. It doesn't matter what movie they were watching. Something PG. The couple went on happily watching their movie, unaware that, at that very moment, Atobe was sneaking into the back of the theater.

"Ha!" He exclaimed. "There they are." Atobe then proceeded to sit 3 rows behind the happy duo.

"If I do this right, then Kabaji will never see that creature again, and I'll have him all to myself" He said in his mind. Then he did an evil chuckle. The other person in the theater looked back and gave Atobe a dirty look, but Atobe seemed not to notice.

"It starts," whispered Atobe. And with that, he threw a kernel of popcorn right at Tomo's head. Unfortunately he missed. How that's possible, nobody knows.

"Okay, enough practice shots." He said, as if anyone believed him.

Just as he was about to launch the next kernel, something passed between Atobe and his target. It was a hat. A really big hat. As it turns out, a man had just sat in front of him wearing his lucky Cat in the Hat hat. No popcorn kernels were going to get by that hat.

"Curses" Muttered Atobe, having a totally Shinji moment "Now what? I suppose I could switch seats and recommence my brilliant popcorn plan, but…then I would have to pick up my jacket while holding my jumbo sized popcorn and move to a different seat further away. Then I would have to throw differently. On the other hand I could just watch the movie…what was this movie called again…?"

Before Atobe could answer himself, everyone turned towards him and told him to shut up, many people threw drinks and other various movie foods at him. Needless to say he left the theater not as satisfied as he wished to be. Actually, not satisfied at all.

He then retreated to his home and locked himself in his room to think of another plan to ruin Tomo and Kabaji's love.

A few days later, Atobe caught wind of some rumors that Tomo and Kabaji were going to THE fancy restaurant down the street. Of course, he would not stand for that. It's not that he doesn't want Kabaji to be happy; he just doesn't him to be happy with TOMO.

And so on the night of their date, Atobe followed them and sat at a table close enough to them that he could hear their voices, but not too close that they would see him. But just to be careful, he used the menu to cover his face.

"Would you like anything to drink young Madame?" The waiter asked Tomo.  
"I'll have a Pepsi." She replied.  
"Very well, and you sir?"  
"Coke." Said Kabaji.

The waiter left the couple and went over to Atobe's table.

"Good day sir, would you like anything to drink?"  
"Huh? Oh, sure. Iced Tea, please." After Atobe made sure the waiter left, he got up and snuck around the back of the restaurant to the back door that lead to the kitchen. No one noticed the 14 year-old boy enter the 5 star kitchen with ten elite chefs and other various fancy restaurant stuff.

"This outa end their date," Atobe snickered as he pulled a small pill out of his pocket after he located Tomo's drink on a counter "And if all goes well, Kabaji will be so upset that he'll never want to see her again."

Atobe put the pill in the drink and strutted out of the kitchen through the backdoor. He sat back down at his table and put the menu up in front of his face again, lowering it slightly so that he could see Kabaji and Tomo talking.

Sorry, let me rephrase that, it's one of those things where you have to hear it for it to make sense.

He sat back down at his table and put the menu up in front of his face again, lowering it slightly so that he could see Tomo talking, and Kabaji.

He saw two waiters leaving the kitchen area with trays of Pepsi and Coke. One of the waiters went to an elderly couple's table, probably celebrating their anniversary, and the other waiter went to Kabaji and Tomo's table.

Atobe smiled, the pill he snuck into Tomo's drink would give her diarrhea and she would have to leave. Ten minutes later, Tomo was well into her drink and yet nothing had happened. However, there was a big commotion at the elderly couple's table. The man seemed to be in a lot of pain.

It was then that Atobe realized that they had given the drink to the wrong person.

"Crap" Cursed Atobe, then he chuckled at his funny. Once he finished he fled from the restaurant, disappointed that, once again, his plan had failed.


	4. Secret Agent

Chapter Four

That night, Tomo went to bed without brushing her teeth because she's lacks personal hygiene. She climbed into bed with a gross pair of Easter pajamas even though it was December because she lacks a calendar. Tomo fell fast a sleep because she lacks the ability to stay awake past the hour of 8pm.

She lacks a lot of things, but let's not get into that right now.

Once the clock struck twelve, Atobe's head poked around the corner. Then he tiptoed up the steps to her house as the Mission Impossible theme song started to play.

Atobe proceeded to throw a grappling hook over the ledge of Tomo's bedroom window. Then he propelled himself up and into the beast's lair.

"Ha" chuckled Atobe. "This has to be my best idea ever."

Atobe got down on his stomach and pulled himself along the floor until he reached the bathroom, which was conveniently located right across the hall. Next he pulled a mysterious substance out of his pocket. Placing the substance on the counter, Atobe took a look around him.

The bathroom was tiny.

"It's a good thing I'm not claustrophobic," He smiled to himself.

When he couldn't find any toothpaste, he began frantically searching various cupboards. Suddenly, Atobe froze. A light had come on in the hall. With lightning speed (thanks to his amazing tennis skills), he dove into the bathtub just as the bathroom door was opened.

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha. Don't cha...!!!" Came Tomo singing in an off-key voice. Atobe shuddered. He peeked over the side of the tub, but immediately wished he hadn't. What he saw scarred him for life. Tomo was trimming her nose hair :(

Eventually, to Atobe's relief, Tomo went back to bed. As soon as he heard the door close, Atobe bolted up, and continued his search for the evasive toothpaste.

After an excruciatingly long time (well, only like... five minutes), the toothpaste was finally located. Atobe squeezed out what was inside the tube (it took a while because, as we mentioned before, Tomo doesn't brush her teeth). Then he took the mysterious substance that we mentioned before, and poured it into the toothpaste tube.

"I'm such a genius," said Atobe, as he was extremely proud of himself. Then he did a little dance. The theme song was still playing.

Our hero then got back down on his stomach, slided back into Tomo's room, and went out onto the balcony that wasn't there before, just as a helicopter flew over. A rope ladder was thrown down to Atobe, and he grabbed on as the helicopter started to fly away. Before it got too far, Atobe called down below "Hey, Jirou, I can take it from here."

Jirou, who had been following Atobe all this time, saluted and turned off the boom box playing the Mission Impossible theme song that he had been carrying on his shoulder like a 90's gangsta.

The next day while the Seigaku regulars were playing warm up matches against each other, they all noticed it was surprisingly quiet.

"It's kind of eerie." Commented Eiji.

"Hm…where are the freshmen?" Asked Fuji.

"Hey yeah. Horio, Sakuno, Tomo, Kachiro and the other one aren't here." Said Inui.

"Did I not JUST say that?" Demanded Fuji.

"Where do you think they are?" Said Oishi trying to bring the subject back to its original topic.

"Hm…well there's a 30 percent chance they all got detentions, a 10 percent chance that there was a family emergency and they all went and a 60 percent chance that Horio got his head stuck in the stair railings."

"Momo," Said Inui. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"l'm sorry." Apologized Momo for his lack of intelligence.

Just then, Sakuno ran up to the courts hysterically.

"Tomo needs help!" She shouted to the world.

And by 'world' I mean the Seigaku regulars.

Everyone had thoughts in their head about how Tomo does need 'help', but no one said anything out loud because Sakuno seemed really worried.

Sakuno left after a few minutes because she actually had a smart moment and realized that no one cared. But that was after Momo told her that everyone could care less.

And that's how Seigaku did nothing.

Meanwhile, with Tomo and Kabaji…

"Mammfmfmfmm...mfmmfffff." Tomo tried to speak even though her mouth was stuck closed.

"…U…usu." Replied Kabaji at a loss to say anything else. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

That's when Atobe and Jirou came across the couple, Atobe tried his best not to laugh at Tomo and her silly situation.

"Hey Atobe…" Said Jirou as he noticed Tomo having obvious difficulty speaking "What exactly did you do in her house last night?"

"Well Jirou, l guess you could say that l replaced a certain substance in a certain tube with another certain substance that could be in a tube or a stick form." Replied Atobe.

"Hey Atobe…" Said Jirou "What exactly did you do in her house last night?"

"I pulled the ol' switch-a-roo."

"Hey Atobe…" Said Jirou "What exactly did you do in her house last night?"

"I replaced her toothpaste with glue." Said Atobe.

"Hey Atobe…" Said Jirou "What exactly did you do in her house last night?"

"Jirou…l'm serious."

"So, let me get this straight…" Said Jirou, and stopped walking. "You woke me up at 11 pm to wait around her front yard in December with a boom box to play the Mission Impossible theme song whilst you switched her toothpaste with glue? Then you made me take the bus home, in the middle of the night, while you flew away on a helicopter?"

"Pretty much." Replied Atobe.

"I wasn't done." Said Jirou.

"Jirou, please, what's in the past is in the past. But there still remains the fact that something that happened in the past is still taking place in the present with Kabaji and that gross girl from Seigaku." Atobe interrupted. "It seems as though Kabaji still has feelings for that wench!"

"Well, now what?"

"There's more than one way to skin a cat, Jirou."

"Atobe…you're scaring me" Sniffed Jirou.


	5. Mail

Chapter Five

"Shishido!" Complained Choutarou. "Stop, it…it hurts!"

"Don't worry," Replied Shishido. "It will be over soon."

"Shishido…I can't take the pain"

"Choutarou," Whispered Shishido. "I'll take good care of you."

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Screamed Choutarou as Shishido applied the rubbing alcohol to his cut that he got when he tripped earlier.

"Oh stop being a baby." Said Shishido.

In the bushes nearby, Atobe and Jirou were crawling around making their way to the other side of the courts to where Hiyoshi and Kabaji were standing.

I mean…

Playing tennis.

Kabaji won the game 6-2, because he's awesome. Once the game was over, Atobe ordered Jirou to go distract Hiyoshi so that no one could possible interrupt what he was about to do. He didn't want anyone within earshot.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Asked Jirou.

"Oh Jirou, do you doubt me?" Said Atobe striking a pose that really captured his magnificence.

Jirou then jumped out of the bushes and chased after Hiyoshi who saw him and ran away as fast as he could, this left Kabaji standing around on the tennis court, and Atobe still hiding in the bushes. He took a deep breath, then sprung up from the bushes and strutted over to Kabaji.

"Boy…it sure is chilly out today." Said Atobe, looking up at Kabaji only moving his head slightly.

"Usu" Said Kabaji.

"Er…I suppose that's normal during December." He continued.

"Usu"

"Too bad there's no snow…ne? Kabaji…?"

"Usu"

Atobe knew this wasn't going to work. But he was determined to make Kabaji fall for him; he would do anything to save one of his best friends from being around Tomo. And so he went into 'flirt mode' and stood in front of Kabaji.

"Do you have a map?" He asked Kabaji. "Because I keep getting lost in your eyes."

Kabaji just stared at him, probably too freaked out to say anything.

"You're name must be Mickey, because you're so fine!" Atobe had to mentally pat himself on the back for that one. When Kabaji didn't react at all, he started to say another cheesy pick up line, which he obviously thought were…romantic, of the sort.

"How about, you be Dairy Queen, and I'll be Burger King: You treat me right and I'll do it your way!"

Once again, Atobe struck a pose that he thought made himself look great…er.

And he stayed like that for several minutes until he realized that nothing was happening. He looked at Kabaji, who was just standing there, and got a little concerned.

"Um…I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you!"

Again nothing happened. This time, he decided to pull out his trump card. It never failed.

"So, what's your sign?" Atobe smiled cheesily.

A little tear rolled down Kabaji's cheek.

Atobe thought that Kabaji was just SO taken by his beauty that he had to cry. As Atobe was about to continue his flirting, Kabaji turned around and left. Atobe stood there for a moment, stunned that someone was ACTUALLY immune to his radiance.

But then he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, Shishido and Choutarou making out!

Haha, j/k j/k.

What he actually did was go home to take a shower (:D) because he felt dirty from flirting with Kabaji. Or…flirting at Kabaji. He also needed to think of a different approach to this whole KabajiTomo romance.

Two weeks went by. Kabaji continued to date Tomo and Atobe stopped his attempts at ruining their relationship. Everything seemed normal.

Then it hit Atobe.

He had become used to Tomo.

"OH DEAR LORD NO!!!" screamed Atobe. "How could I have let it get this far. Hmm… not to worry! Ore-sama will definitely come up with something."

And so with that, our beloved Atobe sat down and thought. He thought harder than his pretty little head had ever thought before. He needed a plan. He needed something that would get rid of Tomo for good.

So lost was he in thought, that he barley even noticed his butler coming into the room.

"Master Atobe, some mail has arrived for you." Said the butler. Let's call him Alfred. He left.

_Mail. I my thoughts have been disturbed for something as trivial as mail?!_

_Mail…_

_Mail…_

_Mail…_

…

"MAIL!!" exclaimed a joyous Atobe. "I can't believe I did not think of this before! It's perfect. No, it's brilliant, magnificent, majestic, dazzling, and dare I say it, magnanimous. Wait, that's me. Well, the idea is pretty good too." Yes, Atobe had gotten an idea. An evil, yet strangely wonderful idea.

"Now, I'll need a box, and some stamps." He muttered, pulling a Shinji. "I wonder if they make boxes big enough. Well, we'll just have to make it fit. And stamps… how many will it take?" Atobe mumbled on for another few minutes until finally he got up and put his stupendous plan into action.


	6. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

Chapter Six

It had taken Atobe about two hours to finally squeeze himself through the little doggie door that Jirou had in his front door. It had taken an hour and a half to get the doggie to stop attacking him with kissies, a half hour to get it to go back to sleep, and thirty seconds to wake it up again after accidentally stepping on its tail.

After Atobe's 5 attempts to find Jirou's room, and failing ever so miserably, he finally stumbled across the correct one. He opened the door a crack to peek inside, and saw Jirou sleeping peacefully all cuddled up in his blankets with a teddy bear. Atobe smiled, and proceeded to molest Jirou to wake him up.

Mo-lest: muh-lest –verb. 1. To bother, interfere with, or annoy.

(Nice try fangirls)

"Jirou…Jirou, wake up!" Said Atobe has he shook Jirou. Jirou hardly even moved. Atobe shouted Jirou's name a little louder this time and got him to wake up.

"GEORGE WASHINGTON!" Yelled Jirou as he sprung up in bed.

"Close," Replied Atobe "But I don't think George Washington had such a fine complexion as I"

"Ugh, Atobe…go away...it's…what time _is _it?"

Atobe checked his watch.

"Um… well, somewhere in the world it's at least one in the afternoon." Atobe tried, not willing to tell Jirou that it was 2 in the morning.

"What do you waaaaant?" Whined Jirou.

"Alright that's enough!" Ordered Atobe. "As your captain, I am ordering you to wake up and assist me in fixing an ample problem that started... I'd have to say a little less than a month ago."

"Hm? Oh, you mean Kabaji dating um…who was it again? Shinji? No…Yanagisawa? No, no...It was a girl…Oh yeah! You mean Kabaji dating Seigaku's coach, Ryuuzaki?"

Atobe gave Jirou a gold star for trying, but then he gave him a smack across the face for being a complete retard.

"For Kabaji dating Tomo!" He yelled.

Now, unfortunately, not everyone can be as deep as a sleeper as Jirou. And with all the yelling that Atobe had been doing, it had woken up Jirou's parents. Of course, as any parent would be, they were concerned with the strange noises coming from their son's room. And when they entered, they were even more concerned about their son, seeing as how he and Atobe were sitting on his bed, at two in the morning, and they didn't know that Atobe had come in, and not to mention the lights were out because neither Atobe nor Jirou had bothered to turn them on.

And so they kicked Atobe out, and promised Jirou that they would take him to Church more often.

Atobe stood outside waiting until the light in Jirou's room went out, signaling that his parent's had left, and threw a rock at his window.

"What. Do. You. WANT!?" Jirou whispered/yelled as he opened the window.

"Meet me at the street courts today at 1pm, and we'll finish our little talk about you-know-what. I think I finally have a way to end it, but I'll need your help. Maybe Gakuto and Oshitari too. But they might be too busy with their own…activities. Hm…Contact Choutarou and Shishido and inform them as well, got it?"

Jirou's response to that was a loud snore and a 'thump' indicating that he hit the floor.

Atobe took that as an 'Of Course Atobe-Sama, I will do whatever you say! You are great and amazing! Long live Atobe!' and called it a night.

* * *

All in all the meeting was a success. Not only had Jirou managed to remain awake, but Gakuto and Oshitari decided to skip out on the meeting, saving their team mates from having to witness their… public displays of affection.

* * *

"Current time: 1:47. Current location: The Bird Watching Center on Some Street. Status: Tomo and Kabaji have signed up and are currently being instructed on what to do and how to do it…damn the instructor is so fugly. Who goes bird watching on dates anyway? At least, not when you're 14 and 12." 

"Sir," Said the instructor to Atobe, who was speaking into a voice recorder. "Could you please pay attention? I don't want to have to repeat this, nor do I want to interrupt the group lesson."

Atobe quickly turned off his recorder and put it in his pocket, looking around to make sure that Kabaji and Tomo didn't notice him. He was currently in the debriefing room, or whatever the hell it's called, along with five other people, two of which were Kabaji and Tomo. But, Atobe is no fool; he wouldn't go stalking someone with such a little distance between them without wearing a disguise. If anyone were to look at him, they would never be able to tell that his nose, moustache and glasses were all attached.

Once the instructor was done, they were all given a sheet of paper with all the birds they could potentially see while in the park. Atobe put his paper in his pocket, and used his binoculars (I don't think I have ever written that word before in my life, I mean, I've said it, but never wrote it) to keep an eye on Kabaji and Tomo who were…holding…HANDS. As if they were a couple! The sight nearly made Atobe gag. Actually, it did. Once he was done he continued to watch the two lovebirds (Atobe had already crossed that species off the list). Waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.

"Oh Waldy, this is the most fun date we've been on yet!" Exclaimed Tomo, because she feels the need to state such things.

"Usu" Replied a happy Kabaji.

"Hey, Atsushi dane! I found a bird dane!" Cried Yanagisawa to his doubles partner. Tomo gasped and scanned her list of birds.

"Waldy! I found the Yanagisawa breed!"

Why? Because "dane" is what Donald Duck in Japan says. That's why.

Tomo and Kabaji gave each other a great big bear hug in celebration.

Atobe cursed, the two were too close to each other. He figured this would be the best time to advance.

"Kabaji!" He yelled, taking off his fake moustache-glasses-nose disguise thing. "Go fetch Ore-sama a wild boar from the Mountains of Eternal Youth!"

"Usu!" Saluted Kabaji as he ran off to find a wild boar from the Mountains of Forever Young or whatever the hell it was called, because Atobe's word is law.

"WALDY!!!!!" Screeched Tomo "NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" She turned around to yell at Atobe, because she lacks the little voice in everyone's head that tells you to worship Atobe no matter what, but he had disappeared…

Before she could react, Jirou came running by in a teddy bear costume.

See Jirou

He stopped for a few seconds so that Tomo could see him, then he ran off into the woods.

See Jirou run.

Tomo, being the knave she is, ran after him.

Run, Jirou, run.

After two minutes of running, Tomo ran out of breath and had a cramp in her side so she collapsed to the ground, while Jirou kept running.

Once Tomo had regained her breath and the cramp had subsided, she noticed there was a cardboard box being help up by a stick right in front of her. As she edged closer, because she lacks common sense, she saw that there was a breath mint under the box!

"A breath mint…I could use one of those!" So maybe Tomo isn't TOTALLY brainless after all!

She crawled underneath the box and started nibbling on the breath mint like a squirrel. (Not…TOTALLY brainless, but pretty damn close)

Choutarou and Shishido were watching Tomo, while hiding in the bushes (I swear that's all they were doing, watching Tomo). Shishido pulled the string that was attached to the stick that was holding up the box that Tomo was sitting under, causing it to fall and trap her inside. The two cheered in success, the plan was half done.

Atobe strolled over and elegantly placed a stamp on the box. He had Shishido help him bring the box to the post office, while Choutarou was sent to find Jirou.

Shishido and Atobe had no trouble at the post office. All Atobe had to do was request the package (with Tomo still in it, but the post office doesn't have to know that) to be air lifted to a deserted island, and it was done. Tomo was forever gone from their lives. And the peace that was once disrupted, had returned at last.

Because Atobe's word is law.

LAW DAMNIT! LAW! LAW! LAW!

And if someone defies that law by, say, dating one of his lackeys (or close friends), then, by golly, they should be more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

"Do not underestimate the power of Ore-Sama!"


End file.
